A short time after my divorce was final I was helping my eldest son, who was 10 at the time rearrange his room. My ex was angry about something and yelling at me and my son turned to me and asked “why is mommy yelling at you when you’re not yelling at her?” I replied, “now you know why I have to leave.”
I see so many guys in posts reaching out for advice on when it’s time to move out, time to file for divorce, my answer is always “If your marriage is exactly what you don’t want for your children, it’s time to go.”
Kids that grow up in a household where the parents treat each other with indifference or disrespect can grow up thinking that’s a normal marriage and that will manifest itself in them through one bad or abusive relationship after another. I didn’t want my kids to think that way of life is normal.
Go for counseling, talk with family members, pull out all the stops and try everything you can to fix the marriage but if none of that works, it’s probably time to go.
My kids were ten and younger at the time and my opinion is that was the best time to make the change. They were young enough where they could adapt to the changes with the least amount of impact and get used to the new way of life.
The most important things I feel I’ve done to help the transition is being very involved with my children and making communication the most important part of our relationship. I rarely ever go longer than two days without spending time with them.
They know they come first and they are secure in knowing that although they are not together any more, mommy and daddy are right there when they need them.